Just a little Sass!

Our girl is always up for a few pics.  I am grateful that when I have an idea she is always happy to help me try it out.  Today the idea came when I saw the ensemble that she had put together to wear.  I have long since stopped fighting her on her clothing choices.  As long as she is appropriately covered and dressed for the weather I am okay with it.  This week, the first week in December, she wore her "happy Halloween" shirt.  Seriously, I have given up the fight.  Anywho, occasionally she puts together something really great and color coordinated.  This just happened to be one of those days so we drove downtown and snapped a few pics.

One of my absolute favorites.  The hole in the knee speaks volumes about this little gal. 

Set the self-time, just for fun. 

Christmas Photo Shoot

A few weeks ago I was able to convince my family that it was the perfect day to take a family photo downtown.  We were all dressed up and headed to celebrate the marriage of Grandbud and LA.  I figured it would be difficult to get everybody all matchy-matchy again and that I would probably be unsuccessful in getting everyone to agree to go downtown with me again to smile for a few pictures. 

It is always fun when I set the self-timer and try to get settled into the photo before the snapping begins.  Here are a few of the better pics from the 15 minute shoot.  I only asked for 15 minutes.  Didn't want to push it with my crew.  ; )

So excited to use the letters I picked up in Canton.  HOPE for a bright new year.

Bright wishes for a merry Christmas.

I like this pic even though BBP looks silly.

God IS with us!

I have journeled about the overwhelming feeling of fear in connection with my grief.  Today I want to write about the flip side of this which is the overwhelming feeling that God is with me.  This will be a rambling post of the thoughts in my head that are connected and make so much sense to me however, an outsider reading along may get lost.  I hope the pathway of my words is somewhat clear and understandable.   

Since my mother's death God has brought people to me to love, care and share with me.  Some of these people I have known my entire life.  Others for a shorter time and some I have only met since her passing.  These people have brought us meals, taken us to lunch, called to chat, shared scripture, played and cried with us.  All acts that have helped our hearts to heal in small and significant ways. 

At times, I find myself especially weepy for no apparent reason.  The place that I have been most tearful is at bible study.  I have been back at CBS approximately 6 times since my mother's passing and every stinking time I cry.  I usually begin crying before we even get there.  Maybe I know that it is a safe place for me.  A place that is being covered with prayer where the Lord is truly present and moving in hearts.  Whatever the reason, I feel the closeness of the Lord and I cry.  I can go the entire rest of the week without shedding any tears but I can count on that day to bring a good cry.  The kind you really only want to do in the privacy of your own home.  Anyway, this week during a prayerful time at bible study I was thrown full into one of these "good cries". 

When we began praying I had casually opened my bible to Psalms.  As we prayed, I read.  My bible had opened to the 23rd Psalm.  I realize that that can happen pretty easily as it's near the center of the bible and if you cut it and open you could end up there.  But then I know that God does not create coincidences.  He is purposeful in everything.  So there I sat on the 23rd Psalm crying my way through the reading. 

Fast forward to my time at home later that day and the grief books I am reading.  I just finished the first book last week and was ready to begin the second book.  I sat down in the living room and opened the book.   My heart grew warm and I smiled as I noticed the page right after the title page had the 23rd Psalm printed on it.  Wow! Twice in one day.  Certainly, the Lord wanted me to take hold of this word for myself.  He wanted me to grab it with both hands and own it.  It was mine!  A gift from Him.  A gift that He gave not just once but twice in the same day.

This Christmas season will be a difficult one for me without my mother.  Some days will hurt more than others and many of them will be hard to endure but I take hope in our God who provides comfort for us in the people he sends and in His word.  I am reminded of  Matthew 1:23 which says:

The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel-which means, "God with us."

God IS with us.  God IS with me. He is near. He is closer than ever. He is alive and working daily in my life.  This year I get this more than ever before.  This year as I read this portion of the gospel in relation to the Christmas season it will mean something different.

Psalm 23

New International Version (NIV)

Psalm 23

A psalm of David. ¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
⁵ You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Fearful Grief

"No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear." 
C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed

Man, this quote taken from the book I'm reading on grief sums up the way I have been feeling lately. 

Last night I actually laid awake for a while thinking,

"Oh God, I don't know what I would do if something happened to my husband or children. 
God, please don't let anything bad happen to my husband or children.  God, please don't take my husband or children."   

It is a strange place to be.  Begging to God from Him to keep you from heartache again.  Pleading with him to not take your most precious gifts. 

I always thought that I would be old and gray when I first experienced this type of loss.  I was not prepared for the loss that came so quickly, like a thief in the night; stealing away my mother and all the memories that we were yet to make.  Stealing my peace and at times my happiness.  Taking my joy and replacing it with grief.  Deep, dark, fear-filled grief. 

At times the grief has such a tight hold that I cannot breathe comfortably. 
I do not want to be in this place.
 I do not want to be gripped by fear so that I lie awake praying that no one else be taken from me.
 I do not want to keep holding my breathe waiting for the next unexpected tragedy or loss. 
I do not want to be the teary-eyed, weeping woman at bible study. 

 I want to be able to live again.  Daily live in confidence, not fear.  I am confident that my God is in control.  I am confident in His plan and in His timing.  I am confident in His plan for our lives and my mother's.  And I am most confident in the healing power of His son, my Savior Jesus.  So, each day I am trying, really trying to break free from the fear.  I am.  And as I daily muddle through this fear I am holding fast to His Word.  Many are the words that provide relief and comfort from the fear and grief.  Today I find relief in the psalms where it says that our God daily bears our burdens. 

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. 

 Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death.

 Psalm 68:19-20 

So each day as I try to live again He is bearing the burden for me. And I am sure that I am not the first person to beg to be saved from more pain and heartache.  The good news is that the Lord does save, in more ways than one. 

Walking Carefully

The message preached yesterday at church was one that I have been struggling with lately:
Walking carefully and with purpose. 

As our pastor spoke I wrote this prayer totally inspired by his words. 

Lord,
Help me to look carefully at the way I walk.

Help me to first ask you for direction.  Let me be sure it is the right way and then go ahead.  In each decision let me seek you, in ALL things.

And Lord when I have sought you and still feel unsure of the direction, please send me someone to ask.  Someone to speak truth to me.  Someone to navigate me through those times.

Help me to choose daily to walk in your ways.  Your ways are sure and certain.  This is the place I want to be. 

I love you.


"Be very careful, then how you walk-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity."
Ephesisans 5:15

Morning Chore Charts

Morning Chore Charts:  Recently, I pinned a similar chore chart on pinterest that was made from an actual door hanger.  Mornings at our house are absolutely insane!!  I have tried planning and have put LOTS of effort into laying out and preparing all items the night before and it still seems that I spend the majority of time redirecting my children to "GET DRESSED"!!! 

As I was clearly needing assistance with this whole morning routine thing, I was pleased as pie to see an easy clip-system chart that I could create with items we already had at home.  I only included chores/tasks that needed to be done before school. 

We will worry with other chores later.  Currently, my main focus is on getting to school on time without mom (ME!!!!)  blowing a gasket.  So far, all is working well with the charts.  It is certainly helping my children to see clearly what they need to do.  Also, the moving of  the clips once a task is completed is providing that sense of accomplishment that was lacking before. 

This system is helping to keep everyone on-task in a timely manner.  Yay!!!!

Fun New Pics

A few days ago I took some fun new pictures of the kids in silly hats. 

We lucked upon a cheery yellow wall downtown that truly made the pictures "pop".  Today I finished painting the hallway and hung two of the pictures.  Here they are hanging in the 11x14 frames I picked up at Goodwill for $5.99 a piece.  All I did was windex the glass! 

The before of the frames.

And the after, complete with silly kids.