Use It

 I have been sharing my heart here for a few weeks now.  It has felt great to get many of my emotions down on paper and out in the open.  It has also been scary to be so open and transparent.  But a dear friend inspired me a while back to work towards transparency, that only then can I be a true friend and share Christ with others.  If I am not truly transparent then I will not be believable and certainly I have met people in my life who were just not believable.  I do not desire to go their way but rather the way that my Lord encourages me to go in His Word and in truth.  So let me be truthful and say that if I had not poured my heart out on this blog over the last few weeks I would have been a snotty mess on my husband's shoulder this morning.  My feelings would have been too raw.  Too built up and I would have burst right there in the sanctuary. 
Truly, every word our pastor spoke this morning was aimed directly at my heart.  I have had this happen before but never in such a powerful way.  I am blessed to attend a church where our pastor does speak truth in God's word each Sunday and I always leave feeling that I was spoken too.  But, today it was kicked up a notch.  Okay, like 10 notches. 

 The scripture study was Psalm 70.  A psalm of David where he cries out to our God to come quickly to save him.  David needed saving from things other than what I need saving from today but our pastor made the connection that we all need saving in times of trial.  Trials are hard and we do cry out.  We cry for our Lord to "come quickly" to restore our joy and deliver us from our pain.  The thing I loved the most about the Psalm is that as David cried out he also took the time to praise God for who He is. 

He says:

But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation
always say,
"Let God be exalted!"
Psalm 70:4

Let's just say that he knew where his bread was buttered.  Well, I do too!  I know who my Lord is.  I know He is creator of all and I know that He hurts for me.  I know that He doesn't like to see me in this pain because He loves me.  He loves me with the most tremendous love.  Love so amazing, as we sang today.  Because I know this I can move forward knowing the truth in that little saying that has been popping up all over pinterest lately, "If God brought you to it, He will bring you through it."   Or as our pastor explained if you are faced with a particular trial in your life God will do one of two things to restore your joy.  He will either, YANK IT or USE IT. 

Yank it as in yank it from your life. The trial will no longer be. It will simply be gone as quickly as it came. Cause He's that BIG and He's that MIGHTY!

Unfortunately, this is not the case for me as the death of my mother can not be yanked or removed. It has happened. It is done. So, now all that is left is for the Lord to use it. I pray that He will give me the strength to make it through and make it through with grace and humility. And I pray that through it all He will be glorified, magnified and shown as the restorer of my joy.

The Psalm ends with David pleading to the Lord to come quickly.

Yet, I am poor and needy;
come quickly to me, O God.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O LORD, do not delay.
Psalm 70: 5

I too want the Lord to quickly deliver me from this trial. From this time where the world keeps moving forward, me in it but still feeling like I am in a fog, a haze that is hard to shake off. I am shaking, a little each day this fog that hangs thick in my air, in my space. And today allowed me to shake off some more and take a BIG clean breath.  Today the Lord restored a piece of my joy.